Insight from "Better Single Than Sorry"

Lately, I have been doing a lot of thinking, self reflecting, stepping back and listening in regards to many different areas in my life. During this time, multiple women in my life are making decisions at the same time that scare me for them. I know that we (women) have all been guilty of making bad choices with the men we date. If you say you've never dated a, well "non-winner," I don't believe you. But, the most important thing I think about these bad decisions is if we learn from them and stop repeating them. I feel like I have been growing a lot and regaining a sense of inner strength that I am trying to pass on to my girls.

I bought a book, recently, called Better Single Than Sorry. I wanted some light lunch/commute reading and it's been a great plethera of information. I would say that this book has been reinforcing what I already know more than teaching me what I didn't. It's interestting that my inner strength regained momentum and that I started in on this book right as my girls needed my help. I feel very blessed to have such amazing women around me; those that will ask for advice or counsel when needed and those that I can depend on for the same advice and counsel when I need it. And, most importantly, that we can be brutally honest with each other.

Here is the common trend that I am seeing: these phenomenal women are compromising themselves to be with jerks, they're making excuses to stay with them, then they wonder why it blows up in their face. I have had more than one teary "I can't believe this happened" phone call in my day. And, guilty as charged, I have also made those phone calls. I would like to hope I've learned by now. One such situation has been ongoing for awhile now but finally came to a head this morning when she found out that he has gone back to his ex, yet leads her on. It's amazing what we ignore when we're looking through the eyes of infatuation at a man. What is even more amazing is when we ignore the behavior or make excuses for it when we KNOW it's wrong and we should be running the other direction yesterday. It's sad when a woman will let a man treat her like crap because of the "but he" factor. "I know what he did was rude, but he buys me (fill in blank)" or "That time he stood me up and didn't call for 3 days sucked, but he is so hot." When you have to make excuses to justify being with someone, you shouldn't be with them.

I tried to tell that to my friend that I mentioned earlier. She would call me and complain about all the bona fide a-hole stuff this guy was doing to her then follow it up with a laundry list of "but he"s and tell me how sweet he can be. I asked her if she was trying to convince me or herself. She said a little of both. She admitted that she didn't want to be alone yet I found it amazing that she would rather be heartbroken and disappointed time and time again rather than tell this loser to hit the road! Hear me here: Ladies! When are we going to grow a set!? 99% of the women I know wouldn't put up with half the stuff from a female friend as they do with a man. We can set our boundaries with most people but when you get "Penial Distraction" all of a sudden you become a big blubbering wimp!!! ENOUGH ALREADY!

I'm also hearing this a lot: "I am just sick of being alone!" Oh honey, you're not alone! You have an amazing group of friends that would do anything for you and you're "alone!?" I know what they mean: it's nice to have someone to wake up next to, to have a solid date night with, to have a standing date to weddings, etc. But what are you compromising in the mean time just so you can have your Thursday night date!? And besides sex and a strong set of arms to wrap around you, what can a man give you that your best girl friends can't? Go see a movie, go out for dinner, take a vacation, go to a play or an opera, take a girl friend to a wedding, etc. Live your life around YOU and then find the man that fits into it. It pains me to see these women that I hold in such high regard (my self included)--these beautiful, capable, independent, funny, amazing women--are apologizing for being SO GREAT! They're compromising themselves, their standards, their values, their basic idea of how to be treated just to be with someone instead of waiting to be with the one who deserves them!!!

I could rant on forever, and I'm sure I'll return to this subject because it has been interesting me more and more and I see it all too often now that we're all getting old (mid 20s!!!!) and we are finally learning the truly hard lessons in love. I'm sure there will be many more margarita sessions, more tears, more yelling, and more learning from here on out. But, to the women in my life: YOU ARE AMAZING!!! DON'T APOLOGIZE FOR BEING SO AWESOME, DON'T SETTLE FOR LESS THAN WHAT YOU DESERVE, AND QUIT COMPROMISING YOURSELVES. If you didn't hear that or still don't quite understand, go get and read "Better Single Than Sorry."